yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
