69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
