Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize