Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Found your dick twin last night
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize