I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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