i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
