Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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