i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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