Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
