I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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