$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize