I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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