I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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