we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
