Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
