I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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