By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
