I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
