You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
