Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
