I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
