If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
