Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
