I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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