Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize