I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
