we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
