it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
