I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I think I sprained my soul last night
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
