Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
