I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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