I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
