I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
