Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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