my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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