..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
