We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
