So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
