Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
PANTIES FOUND
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
