never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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