the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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