i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
