i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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