i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize