I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
