He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
