Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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