Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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