ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
my being single is dangerous.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
3 2 1 whiskey
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
