Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
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