I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
