Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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