you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
