I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
my liver is dry heaving
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
