Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
