sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
