He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
