In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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