He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
