Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
