If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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