Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
