I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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