i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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