guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
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